I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had to coat check the pizza.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
