You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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