I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
