if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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