When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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