Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
