I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize