Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
