Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
