last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
