he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
