Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
