So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
