There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
