PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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