whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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