If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
