i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
