Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
