He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
