I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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