Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
