Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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