walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
