so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
