We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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