im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
