The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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