Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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