i used baking grease as lip gloss
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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