Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
