I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
