Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
