I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
