You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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