I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im holly from the hills drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Panties = found
Randomize
