he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
