Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
