also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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