I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
as a side note pls kill me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
