Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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