I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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