WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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