I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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