I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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