I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
