Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
