So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
