Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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