wakey wakey hands off snakey
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
