he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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