i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
