Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
