I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
