There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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