I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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