he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
