First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
