I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
