is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
