Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
