You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
don't judge my taste in strippers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
