I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
