I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
